Journey to the Core of Creativity

The day before we did a journey to the core of creativity.
Now we wanted to look what that core needs for his growing, what kind of Knowledge of the four windows (thinking, senses, feeling, imagination ) it takes to come into our wisdom.

There was already a doorway in Stephen’s introduction :
„Tell your body, your roots, your rhythm, all of your feelings, your liveliness, the sky : I love you!“

My journey begins at my inner place, a little lake. There I meet my animal of the second chakra, the white she-wolf. I greet her and at once she tells me :
„You need me to live your creativity!“

I ask her what that means and she invites me to look in the water of the lake.
We both are looking at our mirrors in the water and the she-wolf begins to change. She is no longer white but grey, her loving manner changed now into a more aggressive one, her eyes become yellow.
I see myself as an aging woman loosing her physical beauty – I don’t like the image.
As I tell this to the she-wolf she demands :
„Tell the beauty in you : I love you!“
I do so without any belief.
And like this it is not accepted.
Therefore I have to look at my mirror image in the water and repeat the phrase until my inner resistance surrenders.
Now I do change : instead of me I see the full moon in the lake.
„I am your beauty!“ he answers my greeting. „You can not always see me, sometimes I am full and bright, sometimes I am small, often invisible at daylight – but even if you can’t see me, I am always here !“
The beautiful and shining moon in the water asks me if I can accept the beauty in me now. The weight and the grief in me about growing old have gone, I feel very well and answer gladly : Oh yes, I can accept my lunar beauty !“

The she-wolf ist still grey, she’s looking straight into my eyes and gives me the order : „Look at me !“ The order is repeated again and again because I have difficulties to stay focused on her. Noise from the outside takes off my attention and I tell her : „I can’t do it!“
Feeling my stress I simply try to accept that I don’t have the presence. This gives me a great calm.  And in this calm she says : „Come inside of me .“
This is easy for me, I am inside of her, inside of her heart.
I ask her by which of the windows of perception I can live my creativity.
She reminds me that I am a „synaesthesist“ what is to say that creativity comes through all the three windows feeling, senses, imagination.  I inquire : „And thinking?“
The answer comes quickly and very clear: „Thinking is the ENEMY of your creativity !“

This phrase impresses me a lot. Still in the body, in the heart of the she-wolf I have the idea to look for my animal of thinking.

Up in the sky I see the bald eagle flying, my animal of thinking. And the she-wolf shows me how he destroys all kind of creativity : many rabbits are running in the plain and he lunges at them and he kills them one by one. Witnessing this I feel more and more pain and helplessness.
Disgustedly I ask him :“ Why are you doing this?“

The eagle is grumpy and arrogant and starts with his destructive criticism :
my rabbits are of no value ; I can do nothing that others couldn’t do better; I am not as „one“ has to be; he gives me all the negative mirrors I ever met in life.

I am concerned to hear that from my animal and I feel an enormous rage rising inside of me because he adopted the criticism of the outside world. As I tell him about he answers once more in a very arrogant manner :“ But it is you who wanted to survive in this society and the thinking has helped you .And at all I could only adopt these values because you have given me the permission !“

This I understand at once and I do realize my responsibility.
Still in my anger but very clearly I am shouting : „ So now I am cancelling  this permission !“
In an instant the eagle is very sad and tired and changes into a  vulture sitting on a dead branch, the ground is covered by carrion.
Now it is my turn to critisize him : that he is a carrion eater, nourrishing from the dead and that the carrion is the judgement of the outer world – „I do not accept any more!“
Now I am again in my body, face to face with the vulture. We are both frustrated and blocked, neither him nor me are knowing what could help us.
I call the space above us for help and the sunny sky answers : „Love and forgiveness are always right and helpful !“ So I start to forgive : the eagle and the vulture for having adopted the strange values, the many voices and sources of criticism, the „society“ and most of all myself for allowing it.
All blockades and stress are solved. The vulture is gone.

Now my she-wolf is at my side as I know her : white, loving and friendly.
She wants us to look for the „core of my creativity“, the volcano in the sea which I learned to know the day before and which became my animal of the first chakra.
She says that I have to get to know him better .
We arrive at the volcano island and  I remark clearly how feminine his energy is .
The she-wolf aks me to run around the volcano island to make him rise more and more out of the sea. We have fun together running and jumping around, jumping over the creek of lava, the drain which avoids an explosion of the volcano.
She invites me to experience the volcano with all of my senses. I touch the mineral, carress it, smell it, looking at it in detail.
Again the volcano rises a little bit more out of the sea and gets his first plants growing on it.

I feel so great  on this island with my loving animal !
Now she wants us to climb to the top.
Quickly we are there and we look into the lake of the lava.
„I have been inside there yesterday !“ I tell her. Once more I feel deeply touched by that experience. I feel a vastness, an easiness and the she-wolf answers : „Yes, all of  your three windows are open !“ And again I ask : „And the thinking?“
In front of me, above me a little golden ball with tiny wings is flying reminding me of the „golden snitch“ of the Harry Potter films. It is  shining beautifully in the light of the sun, flying around and telling me that  it is my new animal of thinking.
„You still can analyze and structure – when you need it. I am giving you your spontaneous ideas and inspirations !“

The energy has become very vast, easy, bright. I am so grateful and glad having all of the four windows available !

The she-wolf and me are now beside the drain of the lava flow and I ask her :
„ How can I concretely live my creativity ? By „writing“, shown to me yesterday as an important drain that will avoid the volcanos explosion ?“

„Not only!“ is the answer. „This is really only the drain. You have already started your creativity by knitting! Do the painting ! Paint only colours ! You know that you are so much in love with the colours  !“
Now I see many colours, it is so beautiful ! I shall, can and may do the  painting !

Then my work as an alternative health practitioner is shown to me :
„Here you can really live your creativity : you can talk to your patients, you can do the  painting with them, you can do journeys with them, you can treat their bodies !“

I am overwhelmed. I can see clearly the big wide open space now available to me.
My consciousness rises more and more, I am floating above the island, easy and vast.

There I notice the ocean around my island, it is so big and unlimited, shining in the sun.
„All of the ocean belongs to your creativity !“    THANK YOU !
„And the blue bright sky ! It belongs to your creativity too !“    Thank YOU !

Night falls, I can see the full moon above the ocean, the stars and i feel the cosmos :
„All that belongs to your creativity !“

My perpective is a cosmic now and inside of me I find a long missed feeling of liveliness, deepest gratitude and peace.


Susanne Olivia Fay
solluna [at] t-online [dot] de
S [dot] O [dot] Fay [at] web [dot] de